Authors: Serafim & Alex, transgender people
Queer spaces’ primary role is to provide a safe, comfortable, and welcoming environment for each of their members. It is not always guaranteed, though, as even secure environments are prone to missteps. Misgendering is a common problem faced by many transgender and non-binary individuals, both within hostile public spaces and the queer community itself. While it may look like an innocent slip-up, it happens quite often even within the LGBTQ+ community.
Forms of misgendering
Misgendering happens when assumptions about cisnormativity (Cisnormativity manifests as a separation of cisgender and transgender people, where cisgender individuals are considered “normal”, while transgender people are viewed as an “exception”.) are reinforced, leading to people being classified into stereotypical binary categories, such as male (cisgender man) or female (cisgender woman). Due to a rigid perception, people on the transgender spectrum are often subjected to systemic marginalization.
While misgendering can take on many faces, the most common types are deadnaming, using incorrect pronouns, and appearance-based assumptions.
Deadnaming means using an incorrect name, typically the birth one, instead of the name the person chose for themselves.
Using incorrect pronouns is another common form of misgendering. It is the act of referring to someone with pronouns they do not want to be associated with. (Ex. Using “she” to refer to a transgender man, or “he” to refer to a transgender woman.)
Appearance-based assumptions are an attempt to guess someone’s gender based on their looks. This is often linked to traditional gender norms. (Ex. Long hair equals woman, beard/mustache equals man etc.)
The experiences below reflect common situations faced by people within the transgender spectrum:
“Over time, even in spaces considered ‘safe’ and ‘accepting’, I’ve noticed that misgendering tends to be a recurring pattern, rather than an isolated incident. I am trans-masc and genderqueer, going strictly by he/him pronouns, yet a lot of people tend to use ‘she/her’on me even after I tell them my pronouns. Whether intentional or not, it made me realise that the local community needs to be better educated on the topic of pronouns and why it’s important to use the correct ones. Frequent misgendering has caused me to feel like people don’t really see me for who I am, but view me as a ‘separate species’ of human, while I long to feel included and appreciated regardless of my gender identity. It eventually becomes hard to keep a happy face while my social and emotional needs aren’t quite met.” – Serafim, 25, genderqueer
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“The issues within the queer community are not only related to the binary genders – it also affects those who choose to identify as something else. I am a trans-feminine non-binary person; for context, I do not pass fully because my voice is masculine. I’ve encountered several people in the queer community who were transphobic towards me (people who would misgender me, even though they knew my pronouns very well, or people who would ask me very uncomfortable questions that would imply my birth sex). (…) Sadly, the problem does persist a lot, and it genuinely saddens me to know that even queer people can treat me like a creep/weirdo just because my identity is different from theirs.” – Nancy, 20, nonbinary trans-fem
What causes misgendering?
Misgendering in queer spaces happens due to a variety of factors, which include a lack of education, assumptions based on appearance, habits, prejudices, or even personal biases. Although not always intentional, persistent misgendering may cause long-term negative effects, such as feelings of discomfort, alienation, isolation, and even self-doubt (“What if I’m not enough the way I am?”, “What if I’m not a ‘real’ trans person?”).
Misgendering often persists even after correction, which shows that the problem is not a lack of information, but rather:
Lack of education
Some people, even within queer communities, lack the necessary knowledge on the differences between gender and sex, and why it’s important to use correct pronouns (as well as be aware of the negative impacts of misgendering). While sex is what we are biologically born as, gender is a social construct that can vary depending on the individual. Educating ourselves and others can help avoid unpleasant situations, such as asking what’s in someone’s pants.
Assumptions based on appearance
The patriarchal system encourages individuals to associate specific physical traits, such as voice pitch, facial features, body structure, hair, or clothing style, with certain gender identities. This systematic pressure can force transgender people to either conform to traditional male/female stereotypes, or risk being perceived as their birth sex. Forcing a transgender person to conform to what society deems as “acceptable” is the same as trying to force a cisgender person to dress and behave like the opposite – it would bring them discomfort, and they would do their best to avoid social situations.
Anti-transgender bias
A bias is the inclination or prejudice for or against one person or a group, especially in a way considered to be unfair. Anti-transgender biases can be the result of poor media representation, social circles, religious beliefs, political rhetoric, societal norms, and fear of the unknown. Awareness of biases is the first step towards avoiding them.
How to prevent or minimize misgendering/marginalization within the community
Do not assume pronouns, especially in queer spaces. Regardless of how the person presents themselves, it is important to avoid assumptions about their gender identity. Some individuals prefer to express themselves in ways that are different from typical gender norms. There are also transgender people who are not able to express themselves the desirable way for a variety of reasons, such as safety or medical issues.
Be respectful. In case of accidental misgendering, simply apologize and correct yourself as soon as possible. Keep it brief and avoid lengthy apologies. If misgendering happens on behalf of another person, make sure to correct them. If you aren’t sure which pronouns the person uses, either ask them politely or use gender-neutral language until they point it out themselves. You can also specify your own pronouns to encourage them to speak about theirs.
Educate yourself and others using verified and reliable sources. A good start could be your local queer NGO’s website or social media page.
Make an effort to learn and respect other people’s pronouns. Persistent misgendering is akin to repeatedly calling someone the wrong name. Memorize pronouns the same way you memorize names. If you forget, or struggle with remembering pronouns, you can always ask the person to remind you in a respectful way.
Understanding and honoring the diversity of gender identities is essential to living in a world that fosters and respects individuality and inclusiveness. It is extremely important to keep educating ourselves and others about transgender struggles, keep an open mind, and acknowledge it as a learning experience.
